NYE revelations.

So a bit of a back story- on NYE I got very sick, turns out it was a flu that turned into tonsillitis. Not fun, but I'm coming out the other end which is always good. So! 

Being left without a voice for almost 3 days has been one of the most amazing accidents. Possibly ever. 2014- you are doing well so far. It has given me time to stop listening to the sound of my own voice ramble on and actually take in more as to what I'm thinking. They say that thinking is where our lives start. Our thoughts becomes words, our words become actions, actions become habits, habit becomes character. Character is what people see. I knew all of this and I thought that I knew what I was thinking- boy was I wrong. I caught myself judging soooo many people for the stupidest things. I caught myself doubting and pressuring and sabotaging myself. Me! I caught myself lying to myself. I caught myself being ungrateful, being selfish, being temperamental, being arrogant. I caught myself brushing others off, being too busy, losing sight of what's important. That those you love are safe and happy and healthy. Why? Because I let my voice take over. Anyone who knows me knows I can talk until the cows come home, until the fat lady sings, until your ear falls off, pick your metaphors. But there wasn't much of a time lately where I sat down and actually listened to myself. 

I was reminded of when I was younger and I would just sit and listen. To anything, everything. Conversations, nature, noises. Tell me, what sound does a thimble make when it gets dropped into a creek? I wouldn't talk often, I would just sit and listen. I found it fascinating!! I would hear so much. And I'm not talking about reading in between the lines. I would hear unintentional inflections in people voices as well as those we control. I would hear the small ticks or habits they had when speaking- have you ever found yourself pronouncing a word the way your mother or father does or did and you have no idea how in the world it happened? How many of you know that most of the time there is at least one word that someone will repeat for no apparent reason? Some people have different volumes depending on who they're talking to, where as others it's all the same for everyone. Essentially basic sociopsychology. But what it meant was when I talked to people I could talk to them. 

Or how about you stop hearing the talking. What else is happening? Can you hear the wind? Can you hear the fly? Which ear is picking it up? Can you audibly hear the beat of a butterfly's wings, or are you imagining a sounds because you can see it? Now tune out the sounds. Watch a tree when a breeze blows through it. Can you see where the breeze starts? Stops? Splits? Turns? Trace it with your eyes. See it. How far can you follow one grain of wood along a fence or a banister or a table. Look at how it turns and bends and knots. How about instead of talking we discover things again. 

I loved doing this years ago, but I was taught to talk. And not just as a toddler, mummy, daddy, that business. But in a crowd. People aren't used to someone simply observing so they ask you questions, get you engaged not knowing you're probably the only one who is absolutely, completely engaged. You learn to ask questions. At first they're questions you've wanted to ask based on what you've seen. But that's too much for people, so you take a step back and ask more general questions. And soon enough you're just like everyone else in the room. Talking, talking, talking and never listening. Have you noticed those people that suddenly 'appear out of nowhere' but say something so profound and simple that they're remembered for weeks after. Yet you can't remember the name of the person who had most of your 'undivided' attention for most of the conversation. And they were trying to make an impression. You don't have to literally be the loudest to be remembered. 

Word have power. They have power. Power even the best linguist doesn't completely understand. Never forget that. Words can evoke such a response, and all they are are different combinations of 26 letters. Not being about to use then for almost 3 days (pretty much 2 and a half of very short, painful communication) reminded me of that. 

Don't take your voice (another whole spiel about being given the chance to sing again through this too- and past prayers being answers!! But that's for another time) for granted and don't let talking with it words rule your life. What exactly are you saying? Is it what you want to say? No? Then say it exactly how you want to say it. There is no point in wasting words. 

Ever since this became clear to me in have been happier, and so much more free!! I didn't realise how trapped one can become because of thoughts and words and the voice. It's changed my life already!!! 

Love you all! xxx

The Book Thief. Markus Zusak

I started reading this thinking I would be reading a book before seeing the movie. The movie looked good. I very much am fascinated by that era in our history- WW2 and the Nazi invasion of the world (I know it's not literally the world, but we all know about it and the atrocities, so it really is in the psyche of the world). What I wasn't prepared for was the sheer love for a book that would soon become a well loved favourite. Although I have only read it once at this moment, I know that I will read it again and again with any hesitation.
The Book Thief follows a young girl by the name of Liesel (one of my favourite name for a girl. I hope to name a daughter of my own that one day). After loosing her younger brother and her mother abandoning her- leaving her with another family, she is sure her world couldn't get worse. The only problem with that, the year is 1939 in Germany. The very beginning of the reign of terror imposed on the country by the man who changed the world, Adolf Hitler. Two precious lives collide when Liesel's foster family hide a Jewish man in their basement. Everyone is put at risk but despite the danger a friendship blooms. more than that, a love of words bloom. Liesel couldn't read when she stole her first book, but through the persistent love of her foster father and her continued thieving of books , Liesel, the young book thief learns not only how to read but exactly what the power of words can do. she begins to understand so much more than any young girl should when she grows to love and hate the written word. What makes this book so unique is it is written from the perspective of Death. the all-seeing, but not necessarily all-knowing bidder of the afterlife. It's through Deaths eyes (Death is quite rightly not given a gender, and I think that is definitely for the best). and Liesel's words that the story is brought to life. The highlights and lowlights of a small town stuck in the middle of Nazi Germany. The lives loved and lost (It's not a spoiler- its WWII, thousands of people died on a daily basis), the triumphs and tragedies that plagued a nation for years.
As I said before I didn't expect this book to be anything life changing, but good golly miss dolly was I proven wrong. If nothing else this book says appreciate life and what you have cause you never know when it will be taken away from you. Or in some cases ripped away from you. Life isn't fair and sometimes you have to take whatever opportunities you have in front of you, even if they're not the ones you would usually go for. It says be strong in the face of adversity and you can make it through anything, you will be scarred and hurt and angry but you will be alive and that is more than a lot of people can say. Be thankful for what you have and above all remember that family- blood related or otherwise is everything. As long as they're safe, happy, healthy and above you should be rejoicing to the heavens. There is a reason this book is a New York Times best seller. A very very good reason. Do yourself a favour, pick it up and just start reading. Admire the words and realise- just as Liesel did- how much of an impact they really can have.

the human brain 2.0

i have 1000 words to write to finish my essay... an essay that may be a little bit over due... 1000 measly words. is my brain thinking about those words? no, of course not! it is thinking about everything single possible thing other than those 1000 words. and i mean everything. i have considered what it would be like to be a chicken ( i am cooking chicken for dinner tonight) i have asked myself about Christmas this year i have wondered whats going to happen on the next episode of The Vampire Diaries.its so annoying. i have even said to myself, nope, im gonna sit down and finish this essay. not think about anything else and just sit down and finish it. the end result. all my research papers looked as if they were written in Greek, i couldn't concentrate and started thinking about how i could use the feta cheese in my dinner tonight (side note- feta cheese and sweet potato- the best thing you will ever taste!). i then got wondering how and why do our brains actually do that. those moments where nothing just wants to work. no matter how hard we try and get our brains to function they just say no. is it expert procrastination and i just have to be harder on myself about when i study or is there actually a legit reason behind our brains just 'turning off'. im thinking this is something i will have to explore at a later date. right now- essay time. take 158...

the truth about lies part 2

okay, so as i said  before there are countless websites proclaiming themselves as the next big thing in weight lose supplements. lets look at that for a moment, weight lose supplements- its a supplement, its not supposed to do the job for you, its supposed to help get the job done. so sure, take an appetite suppressant before a meal, but that alone isn't going to make you look like a Victoria Secret model (though lets be honest who wants to look like that anyway- far to skinny!). go for a run, do a bit of exercise along with it and you will a step closer than you were before.

anyway, the websites. first step is first, you get to the website through however you find it- facebook, email, web pages, they are anywhere and everywhere these days. try clicking on the heading at the top of the page. the website that they're claiming to be a part of... if you get taken to the websites actual homepage (and by this i mean, you can access other tabs and articles through that homepage)- congratulations you have actually come across one that is possibly legit. if not and it simply takes you back to the same page it was on. click the little x up the top immediately. next step, actually check what they are selling and saying they're selling. i went on one page out of curiosity (okay, i was contemplating giving them another go), anyway, the page said something about a green tea based  pill, i clicked on the 'free trail' bottle and it took me to a page about some African fruit pill. red alert lights went off big time. i went back to the page to see if there was anything about this African pill on the page- nothing, nada, zilch. okay, lets not do that again.
make sure 'free' is actually 'free'. this was the next one i came across on this same page (and i came across it in my acai one too). they say that the product is free so you think- okay sure, what have i got to lose? im not paying nothing for it, so why not. what the hell? then you get to the page and it goes- the bottle is free but you have to pay to have it shipped to you! surprise! now normally people just put in their card details and away they go, thinking they've got the next great thing on the market. but think about it- on the original page, it said nothing- absolutely nothing about having to pay for shipping for anything. now some of these pages do, giving you a little heads up into the fact that you might actually have to pay for something, but most of them- its that nasty little surprise on the end. and it should be red alert lights numero 2! why? you start the 'free' trial- that you've technically paid something for, and instead of calling and asking if you want another bottle when the trail ends- they just charge your card and send you another bottle- regardless of whether you want to or not. now you can call to cancel, but it only says that in the fine print and that you have to call them to cancel otherwise they will just go on charging your card to their hearts content. and when you do call, they will pull every trick in the book to try and get you to stay. 'are you sure it didn't work, maybe you just need another month to try.' 'really!? it worked for me, thats such a bummer maybe you should try again' 'i really think it would be a mistake to back out now' 'how about i do this for you, two bottles for the price of one! how amazing is that! wow!' 'okay, i dont normally do this, but two bottles for the price of half of one...' and so on and so fourth. they're only trying to keep you on their books so that they can say that its one more person they have living off their pills. you know the adds they say- 3000 people have changed their life... try 3000 people are on their books because they got convinced to stay by some sales person over the phone- kudos to the sales people though, they're definitely earning their money.
okay point number 3, try highlighting and copying one of the 'testimonies' from the side of the page- or the bottom sometimes they're located down there, and plugging it into Google. then see how many different websites that particular testimony turns up on- and even more fun, up the stakes a little, how many different names get put under that exact, word for word testimony. it can get interesting how many people use the same 'words' for an amazing amount of different products.
so now you are a little bit more savy about these websites- dont be stupid and just get up an do something, go for a walk, a run, dance up a storm, start yoga or zumba- raise your heart rate. dont be lazy and expect a little pill to do the trick.

lots of love
k
xo

the truth about lies

okay, so we have all seen those adds on facebook, emails, web pages what not about those amazing diet pills that do what 8 months in the gym does but in 1-3 months... i've been skeptical from the start. a) something that good shouldn't happen that fast and b) it sounds far far far to good to be true. i mean come on, you can't get the 'body you've always dreamed of' by taking a couple of pills a day and doing nothing else.
well, let me tell you it doesn't actually work. i have tried a few of these fads in an effort to help along my own weight problems and nothing works quite as well as going for a run or getting into a gym or simply drinking more water. the basics are the best.
I have tried, Acai pills (along with a colon cleanse) and that did absolutely nothing for me. it got my friend addicted to the acai pills cause they were giving her endless amounts of energy and she could do more stuff on them but thats about it.  i have also tried the tea one (not skinny me tea, but one very similar to it) and same thing, although i was drinking the recommended dose every day, it wouldn't have made a difference if i was drinking that amount of tea or if i was drinking an extra bottle of water every day. while herbal tea is good for you, anything claiming to help with weigh lose strictly because of something is a lie. and think about it, if you can be strict enough on yourself and disciplined enough to take pills or tea everyday, then im pretty sure you can work up the courage to put on a pair of runners and walk out the door to either a gym or a park or a running track somewhere. stop trying to take the shortcut and actually do something you're gonna be proud of in a few months. :)

btw, when looking at those websites that say 'get you're free trial here' actually properly look at them... next post to come about that! :D

lots of love
K
xo  

I'm poor. Feed me.

The life of a poor uni student. Oh we all know the despair of eating noodles as it's all you can afford for the week. Fingers crossed that a week goes by fast and my next paycheck is amazing! 

In other news, Fugi apples are on sale at Coles for $2 a kilo! Hashtag win! (See what I did there- uni students these days..) 

My One True Love

This is my Mango. my kitty cat. She is my girl. A pain in the arse but my baby nonetheless. She's the one who comes and snuggles with me when I'm sick. But I won't let her sleep on my bed (she's only restricted at night cause she scares the bajeezus out of me when she jumps up on the bed.) 

She's the one who makes me sneeze when she cuddles up too much and rubs her face against mine. The one who always needs a brush but as soon as you try she tries and eats the bristles. 

I love her to pieces and she drives me insane but I don't know what I'd do without her. ❤️😘

The best cheat ever..

So my cheat days from eating well generally involve this sauce. And when I say generally, I mean always. Those who have never had but are missing out. No really, you will thank me. 

The Age of Delirium

oh boy.. this relates to another post that went up a little while ago from me.
okay, so i found this on facebook- another friend of mine shared it off another blog. and its genius!!
its entitled '19 Things You're Not Allowed to do in Your 20's'
i'm gonna pick out a few of my favourites that i feel relate best to me right now :) being 22 and all.

3. Work a job that isn't in the “professional” sphere, and therefore something that people feel free to be disrespectful about.
4. Actually enjoy that job, and be perfectly happy with your job not being a “career” because it allows you to pursue the other stuff that you enjoy in your free time.

welcome to my world people! i've been in retail all my working life and have consistently been told by friends, family and even a couple of times by complete strangers that i should find a 'real job' a 'steady job'. preferably one outside of a shopping center. my move- i went into retail in an airport. that's not a shopping center.

5. Actively go after a job in the arts, even if the chances of you succeeding are slim, because it’s your dream in life and you know that if you don’t try it while you have the opportunity, you will never forgive yourself.

enough is said in this and my 'about me' post. i love it all and its the only thing i want to do. i don't have a back up plan :)

9. Work really long hours at a job that basically eliminates you from having much of a social or romantic life, even if that’s what you want most and you are really excited at the idea of being very established in your field by 30.

i'm ready to work really long stupid hours for the sake of being in a better financial position. sure i wont have those stories of 'oh remember that night that we don't remember cause we got so blind drunk that we don't remember anything' but lets be honest- i'm okay with that.

10. Date a lot of different people for short periods of time, just looking for what makes you happy, not particularly trying to force anything long-term if you’re not feeling it right off the bat. (Note: This only applies to women, who will be swiftly labeled a “slut” if they engage in this behavior. Men can date around all they like.)

is this really that big of a deal!? apparently so, its not like i'm leading them on or anything, i just find someone who is a maybe and soon enough figure out its a no. then i move on. i personally don't call it anything it isn't and if the others do then they need to stop assuming and check with me. also everyone else just needs to butt out of my love life.

12. Go back to school a little later than usual to study something that other people perceive as “useless” or “stupid,” and which can’t immediately justify the investment of time or money to their satisfaction.

so pretty much all of my friends went to uni, and at the moment pretty much all of them are finishing 4 years of it or very close to finishing it. and believe it or not, but i do get looks from some of them because i didn't go with everyone else, and i'm only just starting my degree now. the way i see it? i've learnt a whole lot more in that time than they ever will, and none of them will realise it until i've finished my degrees (yes two, by the end of my 3-4 years, i will have two under my belt- yeah for double majoring!). i have already traveled and worked in different parts of the world, i have stepped outside my comfort zone- outside the tourist zone even. and there have been times, when i have said something and they just simply haven't got it. i'm not fussed about this at all, but i do get flack from it.

15. Decide that, for now, your “soulmate” is a best friend, and you are perfectly okay with that.

i like this one. cause while i am dating around at the moment, i don't rely on too many people. but i do rely on a couple of people i call my best friends. and for right now, until i can find a guy who is my best friend and will eventually be with, that's more than enough.

17. Admit that you are having serious money problems, and that you have to move back in with your parents to just start saving 100% of what you earn until you can fully get back on your feet.

yep. yep indeed. re read working my butt of at all hours of the day/night...

19. Pursue any lifestyle that breaks the narrative of “Free, adventurous, optimistic 20's which are both full of change and adaptation, and yet conservative enough that you’re going to end up married by 30 without having been with too many people. And you’re going to want children, but not too soon, and it’s definitely not going to come at the cost of your career, which you are going to work hard at (and make a lot of money at), but which is never going to become the central focal point of your life, because you have an active social life that involves just the right mixture of going out to party and doing more ‘adult’ things.” Enjoy trying to stay within those borders.

Don't you love the 21st century! if nothing else it makes us get creative!

Real Beauty Sketches

Real Beauty. What is real beauty? is it how you see yourself or is it how others see you? is it what you put on the outside or what's on the inside? What is real beauty? Dove tried answering this question about a year ago now with their Dove Real Beauty Sketches. which in itself was an amazing idea. they took an FBI trained sketch artist, got people to sit down behind him and describe themselves and then describe someone else from the same group of people they were with. the sketches were then put up next to each other one of how you see yourself and the other how others see you. the differences were astounding!

and it got me thinking about how i see myself and the struggles i face when it comes to things such as that. i go back to the question of what is real beauty? is what i'm hung up on what other people are really seeing? or am i just hung up on it cause i need to change the way i look at myself. id love to be in that group of people, just to see how far i have to go in accepting the beauty that everyone else sees, that don't necessarily see. my description of myself; tall, slightly overweight (you can really see it in my face), i currently have light blonde shoulder length hair with a blunt fringe/bangs that sits just on my brow bone. my eyes are wide set and hazel, more green in harsh light. they are like fat almond shaped and i have circles under my eyes that i just cant seem to get rid of. my lashes are average- not think, but not thin (generally 4/5 coats of mascara can make them look like fake ones). my face is more round than oval, but not completely round either, i have a cleft chin and a non defined jaw line. i still get acne, it spreads down to my neck and gets really bad when i'm stressed. my nose is a little wide, but i can work with that (being a make up artist has taught me some tricks with that one). i have very high cheek bones and because i'm overweight when i smile, they become very pronounced and round and can sometimes squint my eyes. i'm one of those people who when i'm tired people seem to notice and generally feel they should comment on it.
i will only do my face for now, as that is all that done in the video. but thats how i see myself- my face when i look into the mirror. now how do you see me? what am i not seeing or focusing on that i shouldn't be?
what is real beauty?